after his birth I had the most horrific dream
that I would be in a terrible car crash that
would take my life. For months I was terrified
and was extremely cautious and on the lookout
for that monster vehicle. By the time my son
was 7 months old, I convinced myself that it
was only a dream ... nothing of what was to
come. I had a brand new teaching position, a
baby, a home, my husband to take care of ...
I had put too much energy into this thing. Then
left school right away that day. I wanted to
pick up my son from his grandmother and hurry
back to school to watch a baseball game. It
was a picture perfect way to spend the afternoon
with my son. As I was exiting the freeway with
usual caution, I made a left-hand turn on a
light that had been green for some time. This
was my lucky day I thought. Then in an instant
I was gone.
I was in the most beautiful serene place I had
ever been. My grandfather, another person whom
I had known in a previous life, and a guardian
were ready to help me with the transition. They
told me of the accident, showed me the site.
It was my time to come home they said.
overwhelming love and happiness of that place
was so inviting.
feel myself becoming lighter each moment. In
a fit of fear and panic I began crying. No,
I couldn't be dead. What would happen to my
son? He was seven months old! He would never
remember me. His father didn't even know how
to take care of him. I didn't want him raised
by his father's parents. No, no, no ... this
was not the time to go. They were wrong.
embrace of love, they calmed me by showing me
that my son, my entire family would be okay
after my death. My mother could lean on my grandmother.
It would take time, but she would heal. My husband,
hurt, sad, and lonely would also heal and eventually
find love once again.
is part of the lessons we are to learn on Earth,
and my death was an important lesson for those
involved in my life. I was shown my funeral,
taught how to be near those I loved and told
I could eventually communicate with those whose
spirits were open. I could accept this. They
would be fine.
feeling lighter all the time. But wait ... my
son. I couldn't leave my son! Babies need their
mommies. I needed to be his mommy. I couldn't
let go. So much patience was shown to me - so
explained that the feelings I was having were
still a connection to my human side. Once my
human-ness wore off, I would feel light as air,
utter happiness, and extreme love.
do not do the feelings justice. They worked
to help me throw off my human weight. The feelings
were so great and seemed to pull me in stronger
and stronger; yet my connection to my son was
wandered in this beautiful place for what seemed
an eternity. We discussed my life, we discussed
religion, we discussed secrets of the soul that
as humans we must forget, lest we'd never be
able to thrive on Earth. All the while I was
in awe. Some things were just as I always dreamed
an afterlife would be; some I was just plain
wrong and I remember thinking, "Wow."
Where were my other loved ones? When could I
see my other grandparents who had passed? In
time - they were on a different realm. When
my transition was complete I could choose to
go to other levels when I was ready.
now and then thoughts of my son would make me
heavy once again. I couldn't bear the thought
of him growing up without a mother. I was told
others would be a mother for me. First grandparents,
and then they showed me Jake's life. He was
the most beautiful boy, so happy, but with a
touch of sadness that seemed to pierce his soul.
This was his lesson to tackle. He knew coming
into this life the main lessons he was to learn.
It was meant to be. I saw a new mom for Jake
when he was about 7 or 8. A beautiful woman,
kind hearted who definitely cared for Jake,
and treated him well, but she was to have her
own child with my widowed husband and the love
she showed for her own child was different and
unequal to the love she showed for my child
- her stepchild. This isn't what I dreamed for
Jake. This couldn't be. I was happy for my husband.
He was okay. He was happy. My son was a different
story. Other lessons were learned in the constant-patient
job of transitioning me to the other side. I
had to let go. At times I became hysterical
and then moments later I was calm and serene.
a girl child who had been meant in Jake's place,
but before conception, plans changed and there
was a need for Jake's spirit to take her place.
There was much upheaval that Jake could help
mend [and he did].
time when I felt the closest to accepting my
death, I experienced a resurge of sorrow and
pain, longing for my son, for my life. I couldn't
let go of my human life. My guides tried their
hardest. They never gave up. They never became
discouraged. It is unbelievable the amount of
patience and love they exuded. Finally, my hysteria
was calmed by a higher spirit who seemed to
envelop me in love. My guides were instructed
to allow me to return. Despite their pleas to
allow them more time, they were told that at
this point, my spirit would not rest. It was
best to let me return, to settle my spirit,
learn further lessons. My pleading won my return
for the time being. I understood before my descent
that my friends and family had lessons that
were being postponed, but they would have to
learn the lessons at some point that my death
were made for when, where, how my spirit would
return; what lessons were I to have enriched
or acquire new. Some lessons learned in my arrival
on the other side would have to be forgotten,
and it was not good for my soul to know when
I was dying again or else as a human I would
focus on only that, especially as the time neared.
last things I remember were being taken back
to the accident site, and just before my descent,
I was told that when my children were older
it would be time to come home for good. I accepted
it immediately, but then, wait! What qualifies
as older? Does it mean only a few years older?
Teenagers? Will I live to see them marry and
have their own children? This was a difficult
aspect to deal with immediately after the accident.
a life with my son again. I had to spend it
right for I had no idea how much longer I had
was told I was lucky to survive. A large utility
truck ran a red light and hit the driver's side
of my tiny compact car. Despite wearing a seatbelt,
the doctors say I would not have survived if
it were not for the airbags to open, something
that is not supposed to happen in a side impact.
first year after the accident was an attempt
to live the best I could, the happiest I could.
I was suffering however from severe pain from
a fractured shoulder bone, broken ribs, and
two hip fractures. I was told the pain should
disappear in six months to a year at the worst.
Three years later, the pain has not gone away.
The second year however seemed to be the worst.
I became so suicidal. All I wanted to do was
to return to this place, this life that was
so awesome, so love-filled, so joyous. My son,
and later my daughter were the only things that
made me go on. I was here for them. Today, only
three years later I have accepted my return
to Earth, long to return to my afterlife home,
and struggle to find peace and happiness until
my time here comes to its final end.