1. The Ecstasy of God
was totally aware. I was in blackness. I couldn't
see anything. I was thinking to myself, "This
isn't the way it is supposed to be. I'm not supposed
to know anything and I do. What on Earth has happened?"
At that point I felt
something leave my body. It was a whoosh. It went
up through the top of my head. I could feel it and
I could hear it. Just a gentle whoosh. At that point
I found myself standing in a kind of gray mist.
Then I knew I had died.
The memory of this experience
is seared into my very soul. When I found myself
standing in this gray mist with the realization
that I had died I remembered feeling so overjoyed,
so thrilled, because I knew that even though I was
what we call "dead", I was still very
much alive. Very much alive. I was totally
aware. I began to pour out these feelings of thanksgiving. I
wasn't doing it verbally, but it seemed that the
very essence of me was saying "Thank you, thank
you, God for setting it up this way, that I really
am immortal. I was not annihilated."
I was involved in this
tremendous pouring forth of gratitude and joy and
as that was going inside me, this white light began
to infiltrate my consciousness. It came into me.
It seemed I went out into it. I expanded into it
as it came into my field of consciousness. There
was nothing I was aware of except this brilliant
white light. The light brought with it the
most incredible feeling of total love, total safety,
total protection. I was just enveloped in it. I
remember feeling almost cradled by it. It was so
dynamic it was almost palpable.
As I existed in this
white light, in this incredible love, I began to
be rapturous. The rapture built. The bliss built. My
consciousness began to expand with the bliss of
it all. Suddenly there came into my field of consciousness
an entire field of knowledge It was like a whole
block of knowledge that just simply came in and
settled itself on me. I knew, what takes several
sentences to tell, but it didn't come in several
sentences - it came all in one piece. What I knew
was that I was immortal, that I was eternal, that
I was indestructible, that I always had been, that
I always will be, and that there was no way in this
world I could ever be lost.
It was impossible for
me to fall into a crack in the universe somewhere
and never be heard from again. I just knew that
I was utterly safe and I always had been forever
When that block of knowledge
was digested by me, as it were, another block of
knowledge came in. A whole field of knowledge came
in to my being and what I knew then was that the
universe runs according to a perfect plan. I knew
that the plan was perfect. Everything that we think
about as being hard to understand or unfair or cruel
or whatever, that was really all without meaning.
I know that is very difficult, but I knew this.
I understood it. I comprehended it in a way that
when I came back from the experience I really couldn't
comprehend anymore. I understood that all of
the things that we worry about and concern us, we
really don't have to worry about at all. There is
a perfect plan and the plan is working itself out
in its perfection.
Then I simply remember
I became more blissful, more rapturous, more ecstatic.
I was just filling and filling with this light and
love that was in the light. The dynamics of
this light are not static at all. They are
so dynamic and so much going on in there of love
and joy and knowledge. As you take it into yourself,
or as it goes into you and you receive it, your
ecstasy level just becomes tremendous.
I knew that I had lost
all sense of having a body. It was just my consciousness,
sort of pure and free floating, and I did not think
at all during this part of the experience. I had
no thoughts. I was a receiving station. I merely
felt and absorbed and took in and did not think
at all. I reached the point in the rapture of it
all where I thought to myself suddenly, the first
"I wonder how much
more of this I can stand before I shatter?"
With that thought, the
light began to recede. So, the universe will not
let us shatter. We cannot take in more of this
bliss and joy than we are able to handle at a time.
2. The Beautiful
As the light began to
recede, the rapture that I had built up also began
to dissipate. For a couple of seconds, I could not
remember what was going on. I remember thinking
to myself, "I don't know how I got here. I
can't remember what's going on." I didn't know
if I had been in that light for a minute of a day
or a hundred years. I think the force of all that
energy just produced a condition in me of amnesia
for a couple of seconds. But that was not allowed
to last very long either.
Within a second or two,
I found myself standing in an absolutely beautiful
green meadow. I knew then what was going on. I knew
once again who I was, that I had died. My amnesia
period was over with.
I stood there in this
gorgeous meadow and I remember that the light there
was different from the light here on Earth. Though
it was not that brilliant white light in which I
was involved, it was a more beautiful light. There
was a goldenness to this light. I remember the sky
was very blue. I don't recall seeing the sun. The
colors were extraordinary. The green of the
meadow was fantastic. The flowers were blooming
all around and they had colors that I had never
seen before. I was very aware that I had never seen
these colors before and I was very excited about
I thought I had seen
all colors. I was thrilled to death of the beauty
that was incredible. In addition to the beautiful
colors, I could see a soft light glowing within
every living thing. It was not a light that was
reflected from the outside from a source, but it
was coming from the center of this flower. Just
this beautiful, soft light. I think I was seeing
the life inside of everything.
When I finished looking
at this exquisite beauty, I started to walk. I had
only taken a few steps before I saw that there was
in front of me a hill, a low hill. There were perhaps
18 to 20 people standing on the hill. They were
dressed in robes, very simple, I suppose Grecian
type robes. They were also in all these beautiful
colors. There were men and women - more men than
women I don't know why. I thought about this a little
bit, but there were both men and women there. There
was no one that I knew, but then I had no close
emotional ties on the other side so it is not surprising
that there was no one there that I knew.
I felt to myself, "Oh,
I want to talk with them." It seemed that immediately
I was there on the top of the hill. I don't know
whether I was able to just glide there effortlessly
or whether I only had to think I wanted to be there
and I was there. What I do remember was that I did
not have to climb the hill. There was no effort
involved in this.
3. The Moment of Truth
I found myself at the top of the hill, I saw that
over on the horizon and just a little bit lower
on the horizon, there was a city. I realized in
some way that this was more than just a city, that
what I was seeing actually represented a world.
I wondered, "Was that the world I just came
from or the one I am going to?" I never had
a chance to find out because right at that moment,
3 or 4 of the men that were in this group of people
over on the hill, came to me and we met.
I said to them, "I
know what has happened. I realize that I am dead. I
know what's going on."
One man in the group
did all the talking to me. He was quite tall, taller
than the rest. I remember the robe he was wearing
was purple. He had a white fringe of hair that
went around his head. The top of his head was
bald. He had an absolute marvelous face. It was
very noble, very kind, what we would think of as
a very spiritual face. He also had about him a great
deal of authority, so that I felt I was talking
to someone that I could trust completely.
When I said to him, "I
know what's going on. I know that I have died,"
he said, "Yes, that's true, but you are not
going to be staying here. It isn't time for
you to be here yet."
I must tell you that
when we talked, we did not move our mouths. I can
remember that I only had to have the impulse that
contained the things that I wanted to say and he
would immediately be able to get that and answer
me. Even though he was not moving his mouth when
he talked with me, I could hear the sound of his
voice in my inner ear. I know what he sounded like.
It was a mental transmission, yet I could hear what
he sounded like. For a long, long time, I could
remember the sound of his voice.
I said to him again, "Everything
that has happened to me since I crossed over is
so beautiful. Everything is so perfect. What about
He said, "There
are no sins, not the way you think of them on Earth.
The only thing that has any meaning here is what
Then he asked me a question. "What
is in your heart?"
Then in some incredible
way that I don't understand at all, I was able to
look deeply inside myself, really into the very
core of me to my essence. I saw that what was there
was love, nothing else. My core was perfect love,
loving perfection. I had complete love and acceptance
for everything. I saw my own gentleness, tenderness,
harmlessness. I simply was perfect and loving.
I said to him, "Of
course!" I felt I was connecting with knowledge
that I had known before. I wondered how on Earth
had I forgotten anything that important. I have
I said, "Can you
tell me what everything is all about - the
whole world - everything?"
He said, "Yes."
He told me in only three
sentences at the most. It was so simple. I
understood that immediately. I had total comprehension
of what he was saying to me. I remember again saying
to him, "Of course!" Then there was that
feeling again of connecting with knowledge I had
once had. I wondered how on Earth did I forget that.
I said to him, "Since
I am not going to be able to stay, there are so
many people I want to take this back to. May I take
this all back with me?"
He said, "You may
take the answer to the first question back, the
one about sins. But the answer to the second one,
you are not going to be able to remember."
The next thing I knew,
there was a tremendous banging in my head. It was
loud, it was fast, and it was extremely irritating.
It went on for just a few seconds - a loud
bang, bang, bang, bang. Then that was over and there
was a sort of electronic click in my ear. I will
never forget the sound of that click because I remember
thinking that it sounded almost like a tape recorder.
When the click clicked, that was it, I was back
and I opened my eyes. My doctor was standing over
me and he was doing something that was extremely
After the experience,
I have never been able to remember the specific
two or three sentences I was told. I have tried
and I have tried for years after this experience
to make a concerted effort to try, especially after
I went to bed at night, when I would be lying there
in that not quite asleep state. And I never could.
Finally, I just stopped trying to do that.
But, I do
think I know what he was telling me even though
I cannot recall the actual two or three sentences.
I know that it has to do with love. I believe it
has to do with what I was enabled to see when he
said, "What is in your heart?" I
looked inside myself and saw that I was perfect
does not apply to just me. It applies to all human
beings. That is what we are. That is our core. This
love, this perfection, this God-ness. I believe
that what it is all about is that the world will
keep turning and we will have all these experiences
and it will go on forever and ever and ever. As
we bring that into our consciousness and have it
remain there all the time, our connection with God
will be there, not somewhere in our unconscious.
We will be consciously aware of who we are all the
time. I think that's what the journey is.