Soulmates and Consciousness: New Understanding from NDE Research - Near-Death Experiences and the Afterlife

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1. Introduction to Soulmates and NDEs

The idea of soulmates has long captured human imagination, often described in romantic or mystical terms. Yet, recent research into near-death experiences (NDEs) offers a deeper and more structured way to understand these profound connections. Rather than being limited to emotional or romantic bonds, soulmates may represent a fundamental aspect of consciousness itself – one tied to growth, purpose, and our deeper spiritual nature.

Studies of NDEs consistently reveal that relationships are not just important, but central to the human experience. Individuals who undergo these events frequently return with a heightened sense of interconnectedness, describing encounters with familiar beings, overwhelming feelings of unconditional love, and a renewed understanding of life’s purpose. These accounts suggest that relationships – especially those we might call “soulmate connections” – play a key role in the evolution of consciousness.

This article by NDERF.org researcher Jody Long explores how soulmate relationships can be understood through the lens of consciousness research and NDE studies. By examining patterns reported by experiencers and insights gathered through organizations such as International Association for Near-Death Studies, we begin to see a larger picture emerge – one where love, connection, and spiritual growth are not separate ideas, but deeply interconnected elements of a greater reality.

2. About This Article

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: The following article is by Jody A. Long, J.D., from the Near-Death Experience Research Foundation, webmaster of : www.nderf.org; www.adcrf.org; www.oberf.org; P.O. Box 23367, Tacoma, WA, 98093, email: jody@nderf.org

This article is Part 1 of 5 Parts entitled Soulmate Study Part 1: Soulmates and Consciousness; Soulmate Study Part 2 of 5: Another Look at Beings Encountered During the Near Death Experience; Soulmate Study Part 3 of 5: Emotions and the Near-Death Experience; Soulmate Study Part 4 of 5: Life Review, Changed Beliefs, Universal Order and Purpose, and the Near-Death Experience; and Soulmate Study Part 5 of 5: Soulmates 2003.

Reprint requests may be sent to Jody A. Long, J.D. at the above address.

3. Soulmates and Consciousness: New Understanding from NDE Research

By Jody A. Long, J.D.

ABSTRACT: This is part one of an ongoing study on Soulmates. Those who experience an NDE frequently talk about the importance of relationships. This study is an introductory article on Soulmates that gives background information on consciousness. Discussed is the big picture of how consciousness studies, NDEs, and relationships are related to the Soulmate study.

KEYWORDS: near-death experience; soulmates; soul mates; consciousness, relatives, soul, soul cluster group

For purposes of this study, Soulmates is defined as “a loving relationship involving positive co-creation and manifesting spiritual growth” (Long, 2002). The focal points of this definition are that love is manifested through the relationship and that each person is able to grow in consciousness as a consequence of the relationship. The definition used for determining an NDE is:

“A lucid experience associated with perceived consciousness apart from the body occurring at the time of actual or threatened imminent death.”

All people who have an NDE, experience a separation of consciousness from their body, whether they are aware of the actual separation or not. Experiencers also experience a fairly consistent set of circumstances and emotions that they report after resuscitation. Since the study of NDE is so connected to consciousness, a foundational understanding of consciousness is vital to the study of NDE. The study of consciousness is integrally connected to the way we process information on Earth. Moreover, information processing is the golden key to unlocking some of the mysteries as to what our purpose on Earth may be, what our true human nature is and what we might be capable of achieving with these new understandings.

As a bit of background, at the IANDS annual conference in 2000, Dr. Jeff Long and I gave a presentation on our research findings regarding Soulmates. I recently started to write up the presentation. One of the main questions I wanted to find out is if, by including the new data, the results of the study would still hold. It turned out that we had over two times the data as when we started. Every question analyzed had such a wealth of information contained in each sub-category that it was impossible to just write-up the Soulmate presentation. Therefore, I have chosen to write a series of papers based upon the new data and then write a culmination paper on soulmate understandings incorporating the findings of the separate papers.

For the study, NDEs were collected via a web form questionnaire on the website www.nderf.org and the resulting answers were analyzed (Long, 2002). From these patterns certain principles were derived that led to the unifying theory of spirit defined as the development of the soul in the process of returning to our natural spiritual state.

Soulmates is a necessary component of soul development. Experiencers identified the most important principals as:

That everything and everyone is connected;
Recognition that the other side is home;
Unconditional love;
Support from both sides of the veil for our soul development;
Lessons on reconnection; and
That Soulmates is one aspect of individuals feeling connected to a supreme creative being.

These principals were derived from the most commonly reported elements concerning relationships. Questions reviewed were those asking about encounters with beings (familiar and unfamiliar), comments about relationships, emotions, feelings, interconnectedness, and universal purpose or order.

Therefore, the series of papers will analyze answers to the questions of what beings were seen on the other side, what experiencers perceive as our purpose on Earth, what changes they made after returning to Earth, and explore the emotional content of the NDEs. Concepts derived from these papers will, in turn, be used to sum up the NDE perspective on Soulmates as reflected against the backdrop of consciousness studies because how we process information is key to integrating NDEs with our Earthly reality.

4. Consciousness

One aspect of consciousness is how we process information. Most people think that our memories are stored in the brain, much like a hard drive in a computer with 100% available recall. Many cannot understand that if a person claims to have consciousness apart from the body and the brain is flatlined, how can a person recall their NDE? This is a good point, but easily understood when one understands the nature of memories, the way we process information, and the way we recall that information.

There have been several recent studies on consciousness. One current theory is that consciousness is where the memories are stored, not in the brain as previously thought (Berkovich, 2001) [1] Berkovich is in the forefront of scientists who is exploring the theory that as an information storage unit, the brain cannot possibly hold all the information that is required to function in our society. Consequently, scientists are considering the alternative that the brain is more of an accessing unit much like a radio receiver. The actual storage place is somewhere else, and NDEs would strongly suggest that place is the consciousness that survives the body.

Recent findings have shown that we typically store information as a core memory attached to an emotion and then file it in a concept area in the brain (Ornstein, 1991). When we retrieve our memories, we are programmed to “fill in the gaps.” Therefore brain memories rarely are 100% totally accurate. Even Freud noticed that memories are stored by attaching emotion to them (p. 89) [2]. Emotions organize how we store and access information in the brain.

Recalled memory will be reconstructed using the brain preference for order and stability. The memory will have a certain order to it and will generally be re-told in a way that subjectively makes sense to the individual. Analogous to a computer hard drive, we retrieve the memory chunk of information, by accessing a particular emotional “directory” in a certain part of the brain. Then the memory chunk is connected to one or several information chunks and the brain makes up the most logical story to connect the separate information chunks. This means that the information is integrated into an existing subjective framework of reality.

That being said, the experiencers typically report life reviews that contain every thought, deed, and how we made others feel. Vivid NDE examples, also noted in the landmark NDE Dutch study by van Lommel, contain memories during physical death of events categorized as veridical perception (van Lommel, 2001, p. 2043). Experiencers were accurately reporting events they witnessed while in the out of body state during the time they coded. They couldn’t possibly know what the doctors, staff, or relatives were saying in the same or another room. Nonetheless, experiencers were privy to actual conversations and events. Dr. Ken Ring‘s study showed that blind people can see during their NDE (Ring, 1999). There are reports from child experiencers that can recall NDEs like they happened yesterday. The youngest NDE reported to NDERF was at age 18 months old. The woman stated, “These experiences have stayed crystal clear and as fresh as when they occurred.”

These reported events cannot be explained by conventional “brain” theories, such as brain chemistry, anoxia, random firings of a dying brain, false memories, or wishful thinking. The model that best fits the data would suggest that the stream of consciousness that leaves the body does act like a computer hard drive with 100% memory recall. This is unlike the way the brain processes routine information. When consciousness returns to the body, it takes years to have those intense memories of the NDE to funnel through to the brain and to be integrated with the current Earthly reality framework (van Lommel, p. 2043) [3].

My hypothesis is that NDE is such an intense experience that it may create access to consciousness memories and therefore imprints in the brain in a manner similar to what is known as a “flashbulb moment” (Ornstein, p. 88). Flashbulb moments are times when the brain takes a picture of a particular instance; usually occurring in times of heightened sensory and emotional input or life-threatening moments. These memories are then ingrained in the brain and the person can recall the event like it happened yesterday. This type of memory is much different than the way we store and recall routine information. I would suggest that duality exists between brain and consciousness (mind) because both serve two very different but necessarily integrated functions.

The NDE is almost always reported in terms of a highly emotional experience. Perhaps via the mechanism of emotion, consciousness (and the memories contained therein) is more readily accessed by the brain. Most of the time, the NDE recollection is so far outside of mainstream reality experience, that it may well take years for a person to process the NDE memory and integrate it into their existing reality framework in a manner that it can be communicated to self and others.

With consciousness and the way we process information as the backdrop, we can look at the way experiencers process information, reintegrate it into their lives, and springboard the process into a spiritually transformative event. As mentioned above, experiencers typically will report their experience in terms of emotion and relationships. For many, this integration will change their focus from an earthly, material world to that of spiritual and relationships. Therefore, this information processing may well be a major component of consciousness that survives the body. Further study is necessary to understand what types of information are retained and what part of the experience motivates the experiencers to change which behaviors on Earth. Some of the new soulmate research will yield clues that answer some of these questions.

5. Soulmates

Dr. Jeff and I embarked on a journey of discovery on Valentine’s Day 2000. Now the Soulmate project comes full-circle on Valentine’s Day 2003. What is interesting is that most of the in-depth study provided by near-death experiencer (NDEr) insights has validated the introduction to Soulmates that was written in November 2000 (Long, 2000). Moreover, this study has added new dimension and insights into the study of Soulmates. We’ve come a long way from Webster’s dictionary where soul mate means “a person temperamentally suited to another.”

In looking at prior cultural tradition of Soulmates, one often runs across the terms of karmic, dharmic, and twin flames. Karmic soulmates are those who travel throughout time with each other and experience the cause/effect of their actions on each other until they solve the underlying issue. Dharmic soulmates are those who are helpmates, usually associated with positive actions accumulated over many lifetimes. Twin flames are those two persons who are split from the same soul nucleus (Long, 2000). In actuality, all of these concepts have a basis in truth according to the NDE Soulmate studies. However, there are overriding principals that tie all of these concepts together.

At the very core of our being, are issues of, “who are we?“, “where do we come from?“, and “what purpose do we serve here on Earth?”

“We” appears to be individual streams of universal consciousness (Long, Jody 2002 Soulmates and Consciousness). Each individual stream breaks off or leaves the interconnectedness of the universal consciousness and attaches itself to a physical, earthly body. The stream of consciousness contains the memories, emotions, and thought processes. The physical brain acts as an interface between routine thought and activities. The stream of consciousness is responsible for creative thought and exercising free will.

Some characteristics of consciousness are emotions, spiritual growth, and the need to interconnect with other individuals (Long, Jody 2003 Emotions). Emotions are a universal constant that ties our Earth reality to the other side. It is possible that love is not only an emotion, but a component of the fourth (or greater) dimension as a communication matrix (Long, Jody 2002 Fourth Dimension).

Another dimension to Soulmates is that there are many streams of consciousness who are learning the same or similar lessons. Some are teachers who have mastered the lessons and guide us along our path. Some are students who incarnate on Earth together. One of the more surprising results came from the study on beings (Long, Jody 2002 Beings). Here it was discovered that there is a high percentage of blood relatives who NDErs see on the other side or who communicate with the living very soon after passing away. More parents opted to come back to Earth for the children or children for their parents than for any other reason. This is a curious result that would support a theory that the soul and the DNA may be connected according to a cluster group with whom we travel throughout time with and learn lessons together.

Our universal purpose is to learn to love ourselves and to love one another. By properly learning this lesson on Earth, we are able to reconnect with the universal stream of consciousness, otherwise known as God/Jesus/Supreme Being. It appears that we may be separated from the other side as a mechanism to exercise free will. This is not inherently a good or an evil process; It simply is what it is. Only by being removed from the environment of total love and knowledge, could we be motivated to grow by learning to reconnect to the universal stream of consciousness.

According to what NDErs report in the life review, most say we are learning the lessons of cause/effect of our actions on others. The way we interpret the cause and effect on others is by looking at how we feel about the actions and can feel others emotional reactions to our initial actions. The top three answers to universal purpose had to do with our life cycle on Earth as part of a continual, natural process in the evolution of the soul and that we were to love and help one another.

It was very curious that in the study of universal purpose, life changes, and life review, there were not a lot of people who mentioned relationships or family. Yet, in the Beings paper, blood relatives were prominently mentioned. On the other hand, the life review, universal purpose, and life changes, talk about the need to love one another and reconnect with the stream of universal consciousness. Perhaps, as separate streams of consciousness, it is necessary to incarnate with our individual soul-cluster group to have the support system on Earth. Nevertheless, when we reconnect with God, we all merge into one collective consciousness whose communication and knowledge base is love.

Applying the principals above, a plausible explanation is that relationships are not the primary purpose for coming to Earth. However, relationships are the primary tool in learning to love and thereby, promoting soul growth. M. Scott Peck’s definition of love in The Road Less Traveled, is very close to what NDErs say, that love is the will to extend one’s self to nourish one’s own or another’s spiritual growth (Peck, p.81).

Both, family and significant other relationships serve the function learning lessons. However, the mechanisms are slightly different. The family relationships are a type of Soulmate relationship where soul clusters travel together to learn lessons with each other. The function may be support or in other cases antagonistic in order to set the stage for future individual lessons.

The significant other is very close to us and in many ways acts as a mirror of ourselves. As we allow love to grow within ourselves, such as when we “fall in love,” any blocked emotions in ourselves will be moved or exposed. The closer we get to a significant other the stronger the mirror effect; the more love exists and the deeper, childhood blockages start to surface. Thus, there is turmoil and conflict and old issues resurface to be consciously dealt with. This is the phase that people talk about when the “honeymoon is over.”

Have you ever heard that saying that when a couple argues, typically it is two 3-year-olds in conflict? This happens because of how our consciousness has evolved on Earth. We, as a species, developed in a manner so that we could keep our conscious mind free to deal with new issues. Therefore, most of our actions are out of habit and we only break out of habit when we are confronted with new situations. Many people have never explored how they act when they get angry and what triggers the angry response. Most likely, if one looks deep enough, these behaviors were ingrained in the psyche at an early age and in response to one’s parents or siblings. The behavior is usually the same, only transfers to the significant other when we grow up and leave the family nest. The ingrained behaviors become a habitual coping mechanism used the rest of one’s life unless we consciously exercise our free will to change the behavior into a new coping mechanism.

The lessons learned in the family, extend and intensify with a significant other. We also take the same lessons and the same habitual behavior to work and with our friends. Ultimately, the greatest expression of our learning and soul growth is when we can expand our love for one another and continue in our quest for reconnecting with the universal stream of consciousness.

So, when looking at the karmic, dharmic, and twin flame theories of Soulmates, we see that there is a grain of truth. We continue to struggle with family, significant others, work, and with our views of God, until we can reconcile erroneous belief systems with our true nature by exercising love for all. As bleak as life may seem sometimes, there are people there who are purposely sprinkled along our path to help us achieve reconnection with God – they are dharmic connections that help keep us balanced. The twin flame theory could have its roots in all of us being part of the same stream of universal consciousness, whether that is in a fourth or much greater dimension ‘ we’ll find out on the other side.

6. Notes

[1] Simon Berkovich , Professor of Engineering and Applied Science at the George Washington University discusses a more theoretical papers exploring the idea that DNA information in living organisms is not complex enough to explain the quantity and diversity of information processed in and by the organism as a whole, and by the brain in particular. Instead, it is postulated that the DNA information serves as a unique identification key for a given organism, like a “barcode.” As such, the brain is merely a transmitter and receiver of information, but not the main place for storage or processing of information (i.e. memories).

[2] ‘Deprived of emotion, according to Freud, recollections are unrecognizable. Emotional moments mark the mind. They organize the mind. For many purposes, they are the mind.’

[3] ‘[P]atients were interviewed three times during 8 years, with a matched control group. Our findings show that this process of change after NDE tends to take several years to consolidate. . . . [T]he effects of the experience can be delayed for years, and only gradually and with difficulty is an NDE accepted and integrated.’